Never Apologize For Being The Girl Who Cares ‘Too Much’

Our generation is riddled with indifference. Nobody wants to be the one who cares too much, so we act like we don’t care about anything at all. Don’t let society trick you into believing that sincerity is a weakness. Stop choking on your desires and be upfront about what you want, because passion is so underrated. People are going to try to convince you that life is all about the chase but they’re wrong. It’s impossible to truly enjoy anything in life when you’re expected to do it from a distance.

You are accountable for your own happiness, so figure out what brings you joy and then surround yourself with it.

Grab hold of the things you love and cling to them unapologetically. It’s okay to show an interest in someone. It’s okay to be the one who cares too much. Don’t pay attention to anyone who is intimidated by your feelings. They might be content to play games with their heart, but you don’t have to be. Invest your time into someone who embraces your vulnerability. Hold out for the one who isn’t afraid to tell you how they feel about you.

Keep showing your heart to people, no matter how many times it is returned to you in pieces, because once you start concealing who you are you lose your value. The person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with is going to fall in love with your heart, not your shadow. Anyone who runs from you as soon as things get real is doing you a favor.

You need to do yourself a favor by letting them go and looking to the future.

You get to decide whether to embrace the vibrant colors of the world or to live your life in shades of gray. You get one opportunity to live this life, and you owe it to yourself to live boldly. When you feel something, feel it deeply; from the tips of your fingers all the way down to your toes. When people tell you not to get your hopes up, tell them that a world without hope would be a world without light. When they discourage you from speaking your mind, talk louder. Rebel against the expectations of society and show them just how much you care.

Ano Ba Tayo?

Ano Ba Tayo?

M.U.

Tinanong mo ko kahapon, “Mahal mo na ba ko?”
Pero wala man lang akong kahit isang salita na nasabi sa’yo
‘Di ko kase alam kung anong isasagot ko sa tanong mo.
‘Di ko alam kung paano ko malalaman na mahal ko na ang isang tao.

Ang alam ko lang sa’yo ang mga ngiting ‘di ako nagsasawang pagmasdan
Ang alam ko lang sa’yo ang boses na gusto ko lang palaging pakinggan
Ang alam ko lang sa’yo ang mga matang di ako napapagod titigan
At ang alam ko lang sa’yo ang mga kamay na kahit kelan ayoko ng bitawan.

Ano nga ba talaga tayo? Ewan ko.
Pero sa’yo ko lang naramdaman ang lahat ng ‘to.

— Mae Valiente

#AnoNgaBaTalagaTayo?
#ThoughtsThatCanMakeYouGoHmm

Artwork by herself

Life’s Irony

Life’s Irony

One thing I’ve learned about life is that you will never get to choose the person whom you’ll love. No matter what they say and no matter what they do, you are just so willing to love and accept them wholeheartedly for who they are. You are willing to grasp the fact that they are imperfect (well, nobody is and nobody will ever be) and you just love them unconditionally.

I am a soul full of vagueness and ambiguity. I crave for attention but reject it when it comes my way. I seek for love but I am guarded myself. Wanna know the reason why? It is because I  don’t want it with anyone else but you. I gave you endless chances for me to know if you are really willing to take a step and exert even a single effort to make me feel like I am a lady (well, a young lady perhaps) and that I deserve those typical sweet  little gestures but you never fail to disappoint me every single time. But never the less, I chose to accept you. Without any inhibitions, without any reservations. Isn’t it ironic? As an unknown author puts it, we love to ignore those people who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us. You used to tell me you love me. I believed you then, because your words and actions intersect and coincide. But now, whenever you utter those words, sometimes I pretend that you really love me. Sometimes I pretend that what you said are really genuine that they came from the bottom of your heart. But to be honest, the burning and uncontainable emotions that I am feeling back then were not as burning and “goose-bumps-ing” whenever I hear that line coming from you. They were once the sweetest words I ever wanted to hear, but now I am full of queries if you really meant those words. If you really feel that way towards me..

I am very easy to please. I don’t need those chocolates, gifts nor the flowers. Knowing that you care for me will always be more than enough for me. If you were able to do those things when our “relationship” starts to blossom, then why are you incapable of doing them now? Sana BDO ka nalang, para you can find ways.

I don’t wanna entertain the thoughts of self-doubt. No, never. I will never doubt myself because I know I am made perfect in His eyes. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. At this point, I am still praying to Almighty God that He will bless me with such strength and power to break any unnecessary chains in my life.

Claiming it already, Lord. I am lifting up all these emotional luggages up to You! ❤

Uncertainty

Uncertainty

I am a person full of doubts.
Even for a fact that you waited for me for six years,
I will still doubt you.
Even when you already confess your love to me and said the three words every girl dies to hear,
I will still doubt you.
Even when you prove yourself to me everyday, and that you are worthy of me,
I will still doubt you.
Even when you get down on your knee proposing me words of forever,
I will still doubt you.
You wanna know why?
Because love,
I’m not even sure of myself.

Words by Sai Ochua
“Acidity” Art by Octedentity

The One That Got Away (TOTGA)

The One That Got Away (TOTGA)

Have you ever loved and lost without getting into a relationship? I mean a two-way relationship. Stuff where someone’s feelings are reciprocated by the person whom you have fell for. If your answer is yes, then we are on the same page right now. Yep you read it right, as in NOW.

This is not your extra-special girly diary where you can feel ecstatic to go on and continue reading because you can feel the magic of love with every detail on the scenario. This is neither your typical love story where the girl meets the boy thereafter follows their happily ever after. Well, I am just a young lady who fell in love with a young man, who eventually loved me back much more than I deserve till he left me hanging…just like that.

Dear YOU,

I wonder if there are mornings when you wake up missing me just as how much I fell asleep at night thinking of you,  and how I crave for your presence first thing in the morning when I open up my eyes as the sun’s scorching heat approaches my still sleepy eye windows. I wonder if once in your life, you have ever felt of picking me as your first choice. That once in your life, you are willing to give up everything that makes you a busy bee just to make me feel that I am loved, that despite your ultra-busy schedule I can always hold on to the fact that I have you. That I can always count on you. Even just for a day.

Can you still remember the first time we met? It was not magical, I know. But if felt surreal. Surreal till now that I can’t even decipher the difference of a dream and of a reality. Then and now, it was you and it is you alone you gives me butterflies in the stomach and who’s sending chills down my spine just by the thought of you..and your mere presence alone. Take note, not your physical presence but your presence on my heart and mind everywhere I go, anytime of the day. That’s how I fell for you. That’s how hard I fell for you.

I do not know where to start.  I am definitely not used to airing my laundries in public, though admittedly there are moments where I give hints on my thoughts, because I can’t handle them alone. I am afraid if I will not blurt them out, I will be like a very fragile glass which reached its frequency level and as an offshoot, broke into tiny little pieces. I don’t wanna be like that. I can be so broken inside but I won’t let other people see that I am slowly dying as I am struggling to live and survive. That is how strong I seem to be. That is how I want to be perceived by others. Because I don’t wanna look weak. I don’t wanna look fragile. I never want people to see me as a damsel in distress, always a needy one. I needed a hero so I became my own hero. Until you came…

I always had my heart guarded. I thought that was the only way I can save myself from pains and heartaches this so-called love give. But you were so mighty that you melted the ice that I have bravely constructed within me from day one. That is how lovely you are. That even I took a step closer and worked hand-in-hand with you like we were singing Disney Frozen’s Let It go with the very lyrics “The cold never me bother me anyway.” I helped you break the ice inside me. I betrayed myself, for the sake of you. That is how I love you.  You were like a thief, I never saw you coming and you stole my heart without a single warning. You always come day and night like a thief, stealing me my sanity leaving me unguarded and like a love struck teenage girl, I fell head over heels for you. No, I still am head over heels in love with you.

Put in mind that before I confess and publish this one, it took me a lot of courage. A lot of courage to turn my back on self-denial, and a lot of courage to expose myself like I am letting other people have a piece of me. And know every inch of me. And I hope you also find that courage to at least show yourself and explain to me everything that happened. Why did you let me go when in the first place you asked and even begged me to hold on to ‘what we have’? Why something so beautiful have to end up this way?

To the person reading this, thank you for finishing my open letter. I hope you will never feel this way, because it is hard to be in pain while showing to everyone that you are perfectly okay. It is hard to fight your own battle.  But I am very grateful because during these dark moments of my life, I know I have God beside me. I know He is there for me. Any time of the day, everywhere.

And lastly, to you, the very first person who made me feel than I am human – capable of loving and deserve to be loved, I do not know what happened to “us”. You thought me how to bring down all my defenses and give love a try. You taught me to love you… without even teaching me how to unlove you. You left me hanging…just like that. You gave me an open-ended story and I do not know myself what kind of ending this should have.  I need answers..